Friday, March 23, 2012

Some Tips From the Flirting Doctor

So in the wake of Kathryn's leave of absence I was the stand in moral support for Jordan's love life. As her temporary consultant I came to realize that I have a gift.  I am naturally gifted with flirting. I have the ability to make any guy like any girl. I am like the female Hitch. Want my consulting service? That'll be $1000 per hour (I have to make money for Italy somehow). I know that most of you common folk cannot afford my very exclusive services so I have deigned to offer some of my very best advice for FREE. Free you hear, not even buy one get one free. It is all free! Be excited!

Picture for my new order of business cards? I think yes!

Tip #1: Be Awkward
Awkwardness is endearing. Seriously. Just be you. Social awkwardness is memorable. How could a guy forget a girl that completely catches him off guard with her weirdness? SO the next time you face a doorstep scene remember that it's ok to stumble over your words and say socially unacceptable things.

It's important to flirt, but awkwardness goes a long way.

Tip #2: The Elbow Skin Grab
One time I was at a game night and a very nice young man reached over grabbed my elbow and played with my elbow skin. While nothing came of this incident, I must admit that I was quite impressed with his flirting techniques. The elbow skin grab gets attention. It's different and it is ever so personal. I dare a man to reject a girl who knows how to work the elbow skin. 

Tip #3: Put the Man Down
Men always want you to think that they like to have their ego inflated, but they lie! Men really appreciate a woman who can fling insults with the best of the mudrakers. As you attack them with a barrage of degrading comments they will be impressed with your ability to control the situation. So before your next date prepare your best jibes. Remember, it's ok to practice on your roommates. 

Tip #3: Formulate Overly Romantic One-Liners
The one-liner is ever so important. It compacts all of your feelings into one powerful punch. Some say that spontaneous romanticism is best, but I argue that a line well crafted is far more agreeable. Practice in the mirror to ensure that your delivery is oozing with romantic goo. Here's a few of my favorites to memorize and utilize:

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. 

You are the dew drop of my affection.

Of all the stars to wish upon I'd fix my fondest dreams to you (said while star gazing).

The silence between our hearts has continued for far too long. I can no longer bear the beating of my unconquerable feelings for you (proceed to bare all feelings).

Tip #4: Talk About Bananas
I cannot emphasize this tip enough. Bananas are the universal fruit. They are so relatable. I mean "oh the life of a banana!" Mention of bananas makes everyone feel comfortable and safe. Bananas are yellow, a color know to create positive thoughts. So the next time you want to break the silence try saying "I like bananas." You'll get the guy, guaranteed.

Well this concludes my free dating advice. For more tips see pricing previously indicated. Best of luck with all of your LOVE situations. Here's a quick snapshot of a counseling session with me.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Green, Green, Green, and Some Soda

St. Patrick's day has never been particularly eventful for me. In elementary school it was a day of pain. How many times can you get pinched in one day? I will tell you, a LOT! In middle school and high school it was just another day. In college when most typical college students are partying their little guts out I figured I would sit and enjoy a clean, mormon style day of green. That's how it was last year... This year, however, it was CRAZY. The parties were rocking, or shall I say shamrockin'.... Haha, bad joke.

Well actually, not all of it was crazy. After a very hectic week full of VERY early mornings. I slept in and lounged around the house until about 12:30. Amazing! I love Saturdays where I don't have too much to do. Then I went and hiked the Y with the ever lovely Kathryn and Jordan. I always forget how hard that hike is. It's just a mile, but it is a mile up the cliffs of insanity. Then the obligatory Saturday trip to the grocery store.

The craziness started that night. My apartment was invited to two parties (I know, I know, so popular...) and we were pretty excited. The first party was a pretty chill dessert party. All of the food was great and it was nice to talk with some people that I don't usually get the opportunity to chat with. BUT the next party was a whole new experience... We showed up and they had made a wooden (ok cardboard) pub sign and covered all of the lights with green. It looked awesome. It turned out that this party was a drinking party, not the sort of thing I am used to. I should clarify that we were drinking soda, but you have to admit Sprite and Dr. Pepper are pretty hardcore. There were a lot of different drinking games, all of which involved a disgusting amount of chugging. I don't drink a whole lot of soda to begin with so this was a whole new level. By the end of the night everyone was so sugar high and a little queasy. It may sound weird, but it was SO fun. From yelling to dancing to creepy tall men the whole thing was hilarious. To my non-mormon friends this may seem strange and you're right it is, but it was unbelievably fun. Now for some pics. Just a warning I look possessed in all of them...

Jordan and I with the GIANT mugs. I drank that whole thing of Kool Aid. Yuck!

The Beautiful Pub

The best drinking team at the party...

I think it's safe to say that no one will be drinking any soda for a LONG time.
Only at BYU!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Well it's that time of the semester again... I have a ton of papers due and a bad case of writer's block. Once again I am turning to blogging to solve this problem. This time I shall refrain from writing letters to the guys in my life and instead be grateful for some of the many things I have been blessed with.

1) The Gospel. This blesses my life in pretty much every way possible. I would not be who I am without it. I am so grateful that I have loving parents who taught me the truth. I am so grateful to have a Savior that literally understands everything I am going through. I am so grateful for the hope and undeniable optimism of the gospel.

2) Family. I have an awesome family. Being away at college really has a way of making you appreciate them more. My parents are so smart (Mom. Yes! I admitted it). My brothers are so fun. All of my extended family is wonderful. A week and a half ago I had the opportunity to see my grandpa and my great-grandparents. It was so nice to get to talk to them.

3) BYU Family. In high school I remember thinking that I had the best friend group ever and thinking that we were about as close as we could get, but it has nothing on my BYU group (I still love the nerd herd though). I love these kids here. From friends that will spend their whole day trying to cheer you up to friends who will go see dumb moves with you they are all amazing. My roommates are the best. They make life here so enjoyable. They are definitely the sisters I never had.

4) BYU! I am so blessed to go to such an incredible university. I may not always like going to school, but I am grateful to be going to school here.

5) Italy. Enough said.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Oh What a Beautiful Sunday!

Sundays at BYU tend to be hectic days full of running between meetings, finishing up homework, socializing, and trying to find some time to devote to your own personal study. This Sunday, however, was oh so relaxing. We had stake conference which meant that I got to sleep in two hours! Not only was it light outside when I woke up, but it was sunny! I feel like I haven't seen the sun since St. George and yesterday was a fantastic reunion.

Ok so that sun is kind of creepy, but it captures my mood. Stake conference was awesome. I had a really hard time focusing, but I really appreciated the talk about balance. As a college student it is so hard to find the balance between my educational, spiritual, physical, and social needs. This talk really inspired me to take inventory of my life and try to do better.

After stake conference my awesome ward decided to have a picnic in the amazing weather. It was so wonderful to just sit out in the sun and feel the heat on my skin. It wasn't sunburn/tan worthy, but it was WARM. We also decided to have a little impromptu photo shoot which would become the inspiration for The Bachelor: Chad Edition - Season 2.

The night was also awesome. There was a wonderful CES fireside by Elder Cook about not wearing a mask. It is when we hide our identities that we slip up. We need to be true to who we really are. I ended the night talking with three of my very favorite people. Nothing earth shattering was said, but there was just an overwhelming feeling of comfort. I am so glad we have Sundays to prepare us for the rest of the week!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Lessons Learned in Italian

My Italian class this semester is SO awesome. Well they've all been awesome... I love Italian! But this one is particularly insightful. As we study Italian literature and learned about the culture I am always shocked by how much I learn about life. So here are a few of my favorite lessons.

Lesson 1: Italian music is AMAZING! Well my roommates don't think so, but I do... It is just so passionate and moving.  This is my favorite!

Lesson 2: Faccia Tosta! In Italy this phrase is used to describe the women. Italian women are known for the complete honesty and bluntness. If you look bad one day they will tell you. Every time I tell people this they are always like "Katie, why don't you live there?" The answer is I don't know... At least I know that my openness is valued somewhere... But seriously, life would be so much easier if we all just said what we really felt!

Lesson 3: Italian poetry. It's really hard to read, but insanely insightful. I've learned about everything from unrequited love to the plan of salvation.  

Lesson 4: La vita รจ bella! Life is beautiful! It's an awesome Italian idea and one of my favorite movies! Who knew a movie about the holocaust could be so hilarious?!? I love how much passion Italians have for life. I mean when you think about life it really is wonderful. There are so many more happy things than sad things, but the sad things are what we dwell on. I just want to say that I really do have so much to be grateful for. I have an amazing and supportive family. I go to the best school ever. I am blessed to have the truth of the gospel in my life. This week, most of all, I have been struck by how great my friends are. My roommates really look out and care for me. Also, my adopted 7th and 8th roommates are awesome. As I have been struggling with things everyone has really been united in letting me know how much they care. Thanks guys! 

Lesson 5: My study abroad is going to be the real highlight of my existence. Enough said.

Lesson 6: Italy is beautiful! This picture makes my heart melt!

Ciao amici!

P.S. Exclamation marks in this font look like Ls... lame..